This is what the conversation in my head sounded like this morning:

Me: “I can’t come in.” [faux coughs] “I’m sick.”

Also Me: “Boo, you whore!”

Mean Girls reference aside, here is the current situation – I have called in a fabricated sick day to my very real boss, me. Now in any given work situation this would not be a good look. Two weeks in and you’re already shirking the work horse, tossing in the towels, vacationing on IDGAF island?

Back when I was still deep in the trenches of the corporate world, I didn’t take a sick day for nearly six months. On the day I finally did call in given that I was actually sick (off too many bottles of wine from casual Sunday night girls night gone wrong…or really, really right) I was so scared and nervous of the consequences I almost walked right back to the office and toughed it out at my desk, puking in the bathroom be damned!

Not that I don’t feel equally as guilty now, probably more so because lying to your boss is never a good feeling, and this boss lives in my own head, reading my every thought. Imagine getting busted, then not even having the liberty to run away and hide in shame for awhile, instead you have to continually sit and stare at the very person you wronged. Awkward.

“The power to make and keep commitments to ourselves is the essence of developing the basic habits of effectiveness. By making and keeping promises to ourselves and others, little by little, our honor becomes greater than our moods. Knowledge, skill, and desire are all within our control. We can work on any one to improve the balance of the three.”                                                                                                  – Stephen Covey

Writing, working from home, I knew this would be hard going into it. I know myself, and since my university days I have seen me falling into various stages of disrepair cramming my way to graduation. From a hunchbacked, wild-haired, hamlet dweller who hasn’t seen either sun or shower in 3 days, to the highly sensitive, procrastinating diva who would claw your eyes out if you mention anything resembling the words “deadline” and “maybe you should…”It’s not always been pretty.

I live for the ‘gun to your head’ mentality. If I don’t have death and doom (and shame! upon my family name) motivating me, I am just not motivated. To finish, I mean. I still love what I’m doing, don’t get me wrong, but with no end in sight and no one cracking the whip I can love what I’m doing for an eternity with nothing more to show for it. This was always going to be the greatest danger of working on my own, and I have already hit the first obstacle on this bumpy journey.

But does that mean I am broken? No. Check the wheels, re-tie the horses, everything still in place and ready to drive. Brush off this incident, you haven’t fallen off the wagon just yet! I hired you after all because I believe in you, to do this job flaws and all, and I still do. So get on up pilgrim, we got a long way left to go.

” We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 – Aristotle